The Custody Coach™: Can a Coach Be an Advocate, Educator and…a Coach? by Mark Joyella

You’ve heard of the “coach approach.” But what, exactly, is the Child Custody Coach™ approach?

Steven Carlson says he identified the child custody coaching niche ten years ago: “a non legal and non mental health solution/approach to child custody issues.”

It’s also an example of the ever-expanding definition of coaching.

Carlson, who brands his business as “The Custody Coach,” offers “unique and exclusive materials, information and help in the field of child custody and parenting techniques,” along with telephone and in-person coaching.

“I believe that combining the principles of ‘coaching’ using an applied educational approach will yield the greatest results in child custody matters in the family court system,” Carlson writes on his website, where he describes his work this way: “The Custody Coach can help you get from where you are to where you want to go and help you make better choices along the way. That is what coaching is all about!”

Carlson works with parents who are often enmeshed in difficult legal battles—with kids caught in the middle. He emphasizes that he’s not an attorney, nor a mental health professional. What he does, he says, is provide information to people who desperately need it. “For situations where legal advice, mental health services or a specialist in a specific area would be beneficial, there are bazillions of lawyers and mental health professionals out there parents with the right education and direction can tap into. If the only tool you have in your toolbox is a screwdriver (i.e. law or
therapy) then you’ll approach and treat every problem as though it were a screw (i.e. legal or mental health problem). I look at questions and problems very differently and from a much broader perspective. This is why I believe I’m more effective and able to help parents at the level they truly need (and at a fraction of the cost!).”

Carlson, the author of an e-book entitled “How to Win Child Custody: Proven Strategies that Can Win You Custody and Save You Thousands in Attorney Costs,” says his training and background includes parenting classes and “one to one training from various experts in their respective fields.”

But is Carlson, in the truest sense, a coach, and is the work he provides for clients really coaching?

“My coaching services are an “action” service as well as an informational and educational service. I strive to not only help one arrive at an understanding, but also help apply the information,” says Carlson. “My desire is to help empower my clients by providing them with information so that they can make educated decisions, streamline their goals, and utilize their resources efficiently and effectively. From my experience attorneys often seek total control and often do not have the time or desire to educate their clients. In addition, attorneys are often busy working on several other cases and the time needed to educate each client would be cost burdensome and time consuming.”

With extensive experience as a certified parenting instructor, Carlson says he’s been coached by child play therapists on their work, “coached” by attorneys on fee arbitration and other legal issues, and “coached” by a “custody evaluator, expert witness, divorce coach, published author, speaker, on parental alienation.”

Carlson quotes from the ICF on his website, but makes no claim to any coach training or certification, from the ICF or any other coaching body.

Carlson says while his niche is unique and specific, his work as a coach is traditional and straightforward. “From my experience a general awareness, knowledge, and understanding throughout the child custody process and having knowledge of the mind set of each individual involved in one’s case is critical and can in fact help contribute to the success or failure of ones child custody case in the family court and judicial system.”

To make that happen, Carlson combines goal setting and work on communications with highly specific custody hurdles, like facing a “730 evaluation,” a child custody evaluation in California aimed at determining the family structure that’s in the “child’s best interest.”

“As a coach, I am concerned with increasing my client’s own knowledge and thought processes. It is much about creating a supportive environment for challenge and to develop critical thinking skills, ideas, and behaviors that are specific to child custody. While the strength of mentoring lies in the mentor’s specific knowledge and wisdom, in coaching it lies in the facilitation and development of a client’s personal character and qualities,” says Carlson. “As a coach, I combine efforts to bring different skills and experience and offer a new perspective–a different viewpoint. In both cases, coaching and mentoring one-to-one attention is necessary and paramount.”

As coaches continue to debate the ever-more-common uses of the word “coach,” and in some cases argue that some who consider their work coaching are really consultants, educators or salespeople, Steve Carlson sticks by his franchise.

As he says, his mission is to help clients “save money and…successfully manage and win in this imperfect and often times unjust family court system, which speaks much about the ‘best interests of the child,’ yet abuses its authority ignoring and often times making decisions and recommendations that are in clear violation of you and your children’s constitutional and parental rights.”

About the Author
Mark Joyella is an Emmy-winning television news reporter and anchor who has worked at television stations in Colorado, Georgia, Florida and New York. A firm believer in the power of coaching, Mark has been on both sides of the coaching equation, as a client, and as a coach, helping aspiring journalists excel in writing, reporting and storytelling. Mark lives in Connecticut with his wife and daughter.

The Coaching Commons is a project of The Harnisch Foundation.

For full article click here.

Whether you have a 50 50 child custody schedule or not, parenting plans should reflect what is in the overall best interest of the children and take into consideration all aspects of the family situation. Each family situation is different and factors such as the age of the minor children, current parenting schedule, relationship the child has with each parent, work schedules, distance between the parent’s homes, among others should be explored. If you’re looking for a parenting plan with a 50 50 child custody schedule below are some example 50 50 child custody schedules for parents that share physical custody on an equal basis.

3-4-4-3 Child Custody Schedule. An example of this 50/50 parenting schedule is where the child is in the care of Parent A from Wednesday through Friday in Week 1 and Wednesday through Saturday in Week 2. The child would be in the care of Parent B from Saturday through Tuesday in Week 1 and Sunday through Tuesday in Week 2.

5-2-2-5 Child Custody Schedule. An example of this 50/50 parenting schedule is where the child is in the care of Parent A every Monday and Tuesday (2 days) and Parent B every Wednesday and Thursday (2 days) each week. The weekend time Friday through Sunday would be alternated (3 days) between the parents. This results in the child being in the care of Parent A for 5 days and Parent B for 2 days in Week 1 and in the care of Parent A for 2 days and Parent B for 5 days in Week 2.

Alternating Weeks Parenting Schedule. This 50/50 parenting schedule is where the child is in the care of Parent A in Week 1 and in the care of Parent B in Week 2. This results in the child living with Parent A for 7 days in Week 1 and with Parent B for 7 days in Week 2.

Sharing Summer and Holidays. It’s not uncommon for the summer vacation time and holidays to be split between the parents. There are many different ways to share the summer time such as alternating weeks, alternating every two weeks, adding a larger block of time for vacation for each parent onto the regular schedule, etc. There are also many different ways holidays can be shared such as splitting the holiday time or alternating each year between parents. For example, the child can spend an agreed upon holiday with Parent A in even years and Parent B in odd years or visa versa.

The above are just examples of some common 50 50 child custody schedules which can be altered and adjusted in many different ways to accommodate what’s best for the children, family situation and arrangements that are not an exact 50% timeshare split.

© 2010 Child Custody Coach. All rights reserved.

For exclusive child custody information, tips and strategies the E-Book “How to Win Child Custody” by Steven Carlson, The Custody Coach™ will be an invaluable tool for you. To download it now with a 100% satisfaction guarantee click here. If you would like one-on-one coaching and child custody help from Mr. Carlson, click here to schedule a phone or in-person meeting.

Is Tamra Barney getting a divorce? Yes. According to divorce papers Orange County California filed on January 7, 2010 at the Orange County Superior Court, Simon Barney, husband of Tamra Barney from the TV show “The Real Housewives of Orange County,” has filed for divorce and he is seeking joint legal custody and joint physical custody of their 3 minor children. Simon Barney cites “irreconcilable differences” (California Family Code Section 2310(a)) as the basis for the dissolution of marriage request and contends in the divorce papers that his wife Tamra Barney “has been verbally abusive and has committed acts of disloyalty and infidelity.” According to Simon Barney’s divorce papers Orange County California, judge Michael Naughton has been assigned to the case.

For full story click here. To view divorce papers Orange County California filed by Ladera Ranch resident Simon Barney click here.

If you are seeking help from divorce attorneys Orange County California because you are going through your own divorce or have child custody issue you can present your case to Orange County divorce attorneys here.

For exclusive child custody information, tips and strategies the E-Book “How to Win Child Custody” by Steven Carlson, The Custody Coach™ will be an invaluable tool for you. To download it now with a 100% satisfaction guarantee click here. If you would like one-on-one coaching and child custody help from Mr. Carlson, click here to schedule a phone or in-person meeting.

Reportedly, Sarah Palin’s daughter, Bristol Palin, is involved in a “heated” child custody battle with Levi Johnston, the unmarried father of their child 1 year-old Tripp. Reportedly, an Alaska judge’s ruling has revealed a heated legal custody battle between Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston.

A November request by 18-year-old Bristol Palin to keep the proceedings closed was denied on Christmas Eve. Bristol’s November 3rd petition for sole child custody and child support also seeks a visitation schedule for Levi Johnston. Bristol Palin states her ex-fiance has exercised “sporadic visitation rights.” Johnston reportedly denies in child custody papers that he has avoided his responsibilities. Levi Johnston is seeking shared custody.

For full story click here.

Yet another horrific act of family violence has resulted in the death of four family members which reportedly stemmed from an Orange County California child custody dispute. Reportedly, authorities have indicated a woman has killed herself and three other family members, including two young children, in what may have started as a child custody dispute.

Reportedly, investigators are still trying to piece together events that led to the shooting deaths of a grandmother, her daughter and two granddaughters inside a million-dollar home in San Clemente, California on Monday, December 14, 2009. Child custody papers and court documents show that the mother had lost custody of the two youngest children/victims hours before the violence shattered a gated community. Orange County Commissioner Thomas Schulte was the family law judge or commissioner involved in the Orange County Superior Court child custody case. Investigators reportedly still don’t know which woman carried out the suspected murder-suicide, but each of the four died from a single gunshot wound, said Jim Amormino of the Orange County Sheriff’s Department. The girls’ father was ruled out as the killer, he said.

Recently in September 2009, Brian Benedict, 35, was accused of shooting his ex-wife Rebecca Benedict Clarke to death during an argument over child custody of the couple’s four year old son at UC Irvine. Benedict is awaiting trial. Orange County judge Nancy A. Pollard was the family law judge involved in the child custody case that resulted in the UCI shooting which also included a controversial ruling where UCI slaying suspect was ordered to more than double child support payments.

Are you involved in a child custody battle? Child custody battles for moms and dads are often times the most financially and emotionally draining part of the divorce process. Further, a child custody battle that involves litigation or a child custody evaluation can have a negative impact with lifelong consequences for the children. Parents who are able to work out a parenting plan for their children post-divorce without involving the family court, family law attorneys, judges, and child custody evaluators will often (1) have more control when it comes to decisions regarding the future of their children, (2) be more likely to have an amicable relationship going forward and come to agreements regarding their children in the future, (3) shield their children from family law officials and mental health professionals that may make the children feel as though they need to choose between the parents, and (4) save thousands in attorney fees and court related costs.

Not all child custody disputes need to end up in a child custody evaluation or in court with a judge making the decision about where the children will live after the divorce is finalized. Protracted child custody battles are often avoided when divorcing parents are able to set aside any negative feelings they have towards each other and focus on what’s in the best interest of their children. Also, once the family court is involved, the levels of trust between parents often decline making settlements much more difficult and in some cases impossible without help from an outside source. If parents are not able to workout their parenting and custody disagreements between each other, alternative dispute resolutions such as mediation should be sought first before involving attorneys and the court. In fact, many counties require parents to attend mediation before a child custody hearing can take place in front of a judge.

While child custody battles for fathers and mothers are often the most challenging part of a divorce, better long-term outcomes for the family and children are typically achieved when parents are able to work out their child custody issues out-of-court. Remember, “divorce involving children can draw out emotions, but emotions do not need to involve the children and draw out the divorce.”

For information, tips and strategies on resolving child custody disputes out-of-court or to help you prepare for a child custody battle in court, the E-Book “How to Win Child Custody” by Steven Carlson, The Custody Coach™ is a must-have resource and will be an invaluable tool for you. To download it now with a 100% satisfaction guarantee click here. If you are seeking additional child custody help or one-on-one coaching, click here to schedule a phone or in-person meeting with Steve to discuss in detail your specific situation.