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Two-Homes and Joint-Custody vs. "Reasonable Visitation"
What is "In the Best Interest of the Child" is the endorsement and encouragement of shared parenting and cooperative parenting (or in legal terms, "joint-custody"), in order that the child maintain an
equal and loving relationship with both parents, where the child is guaranteed frequent,
consistent, and continuous contact with both parents, and the inalienable rights of each parent
are preserved, as granted to each, and outlined by the 14th Amendment of the
US Constitution.
As Dr. Isolina Ricci put it, "both parents need to take care that each remains a real
parent rather than one a disciplinarian and the other only a recreation director."
(p. 172, Mom's House, Dad's House, Making
Two Homes for Your Child; WHAT IS BEST FOR YOUR CHILD?).
According to Dr. Isolina Ricci, "parents with specific joint custody arrangements don't
seem to fade away in the same numbers as do sole custody/visitation parents. A vague legal
agreement that calls for 'reasonable visitation' to the noncustodial parent is not
much help." (p. 304-305, Mom's House, Dad's House, Making Two Homes for Your Child;
CUSTODY LABELS).
Two-Home Vocabulary and No More "Fear Words" or "Legal Labels"
In addition, the encouragement and endorsement of what Dr. Isolina Ricci refers to as a
new "two-home vocabulary" must be implemented by the parents, children, and those
in the Family Law and Child Custody Community.
As Dr. Isolina Ricci states, the "Psychological Power" behind the use of
"fear words", "custody labels", and bullying of "legal terms"
(for example: visitation, custody), must be broken and replaced with what she explains
as a new "two-home vocabulary" or terminology (for example: parenting plan,
living or residing with), in her book, "Mom's House, Dad's House, Making Two Homes
for Your Child". (p. 164, 226, 230,304, Mom's House, Dad's House, Making Two Homes
for Your Child; THE "FEAR" WORDS, BEGINNING VOCABULARY FOR TWO-HOME LEGAL AGREEMENTS,
Terminology, CUSTODY LABELS).
According to Dr. Isolina Ricci, "Legal Labels Do Matter." In fact, according to Dr. Isolina Ricci,
"psychologically and emotionally the difference among these terms (references to 'custody',
'sole custody', 'primary care', 'joint custody', 'shared custody', etc.) is also enormous and
can set the tone for how you relate to the other parent."
(p. 165, Mom's House, Dad's House, Making Two Homes for Your Child; THE LEGAL LABELS DO MATTER).
Two-Homes and Joint-Custody Rewards
According to Dr. Isolina Ricci, "when the necessary steps are taken to reclaim certain
responsibilities for our children, normal parenting is resumed", and the "sex-typed
barriers that have said that men cannot be nurturing and responsive" are broken,
resulting in what Dr. Isolina Ricci, describes as, "two-home rewards" for both the
parents and the child.
(p. 114, Mom's House, Dad's House, Making Two Homes for Your Child; TWO HOME REWARDS).
Taking a Closer Look
The following are some of the related topics, questions and/or concerns that I would like to address and
feel are important to become educated and informed on what is "In the Best Interest of the Child."
FIRST, in SECTION 1, let us educate ourselves on
what is meant by Cooperative Parenting, Shared Parenting, or in legal terms, "Joint-Custody", and the importance.
Also, let us take a look at some of the research and key supporters in the movement towards shared parenting or "joint-custody".
SECOND, in SECTION 2, let us educate ourselves on
some of the resources and programs available, that encourage cooperative and
shared parenting for the better interest of the child. Let us also consider some classes or
training programs that we can take to further educate and apply ourselves as parents, which can
help contribute to the success of a shared parenting relationship in the best interest of the
child.
THIRD, in SECTION 3, let us educate ourselves on how
to create an effective and successful shared or cooperative parenting plan reviewing some suggestions from Dr. Isolina Ricci,
in her book, "Mom's House, Dad's House, Making Two Homes for Your Child.", and also from Dr. Jayne
A. Major, in her book, "Creating a Successful Parenting Plan." In addition, let us also consider input
from James A. Cook, author, speaker, and President of Joint Custody Association.
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SECTION 1
Importance of Shared or Cooperative Parenting and Joint-Custody NOT "Visitation"
Devising a shared and cooperative parenting plan (joint custody) where each parent has a
significant amount of contact (physical custody), which is frequent and continuous, is
extremely important in considering what is in the best interest of a child. I agree with
James A. Cook and JointCustody.org which stated, "don't be fooled,
visitation is not a substitute for joint physical custody".
The following sites listed below, provide helpful information in regards to
shared parenting or cooperative parenting (joint custody).
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Dr. Isolina Ricci (California)
( .html )
Mom's House, Dad's House,
Making Two Homes for Your Child.
The complete guide for parents who are separated, divorced, or remarried.
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California Shared Parenting Alliance CSPA (California)
( .html )
The California Shared Parenting Alliance.
Organized for the purpose of passing California Assembly Bill 1307.
AB 1307 clarifies California law and creates a clear presumption that parents equally share in the responsibility of joint custody of their children unless there is clear evidence that it would not be in the children's best interest.
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The Children's Rights Council (CRC)
( .html )
Joint Custody and Shared Parenting.
What the Research Says, What Parents Say.
A quarter-century of research and statistics showing that kids do best with both parents involved in raising them, even if the parents are divorced.
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James A. Cook (Los Angeles, California)
( .html )
Joint Custody Association.
Originated in 1979 by James A. Cook, is a nonprofit network throughout North America and Western Europe.
To Learn More about James A. Cook click here.
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American Coalition for Fathers and Children (ACFC)
( .html )
ACFC Shared Parenting Organization.
Promoting equal rights for all parties affected by divorce, the breakup of a family or establishment of paternity..
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SECTION 2
Encouragement of Cooperative and Shared Parenting
The following web sites listed below, provide information in regards to some programs,
organizations, and classes offered that are designed to benefit parents, and to help
encourage Shared or Cooperative Parenting.
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Kids First (Orange, California),
( .html )
Kids First.
Helping children and their parents through separation, divorce and the restructuring of the family.
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Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way,
( .html )
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F.A.C.E.S. Inc. (Orange County, California),
( .html )
F.A.C.E.S.. Family Assessment Counseling & Educational Services.
Providing strategies and solutions for the child caught in the crossfire of divorce.
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Breakthrough Parenting® (Los Angeles, California),
( .html )
Breakthrough Parenting®.
A Revolutionary New Way to Raise Children.
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SECTION 3
Create an Effective and Successful Parenting Plan
Dr. Isolina Ricci is a licensed family therapist educator, and mediator who heads the statewide
office of Family Court services for the California judicial branch.
Dr. Jayne A. Major is an internationally recognized expert in parent education, authoring
six books on family relationships and has trained more than 15,000 parents over the last 19
years in successful parenting techniques.
James A. Cook was the key initiator and prime mover
of California's historic AB1480 (1979), establishing joint custody and enacted by the California
legislature and is now President of the Joint Custody Assn. and active member, Board of Directors of
The National Congress for Fathers & Children.
There is NO one-size-fits-all Parenting Plan that is a successful solution for all situations,
since every situation is unique.
Therefore, the pros and cons of each proposed Parenting Plan should be thoroughly examined in
its entirety, with emphasis towards a Shared Parenting Plan with Joint-Custody. The parents
must decide on a Parenting Plan that is best for their child and best for their situation.
As James A. Cook explains, "My own view is that both parents should first decide how much time
they have for their children and work from there. Inevitably, one parent will have less time,
probably because of work. In that case, the child should get all the time that's left. Nobody
is suggesting every arrangement has to be the same."
(Shared Custody Called Best Approach, by Chris Cobb, Southam Newspapers, Ottawa Citizen)
According to Dr. Isolina Ricci, "'Together times' are the core of parenting and of family life."
In addition, there are other "ways to look at time", such as overnight, outside activity time,
holidays, special days, entertainment, and recreation, and time away from both parents.
Dr. Ricci states, "ideally each parent should have his or her unique mix of different types of
time with the children".
(p. 169, Mom's House, Dad's House, Making Two Homes for Your Child; WAYS TO LOOK AT TIME).
Dr. Ricci illustrates, "there is something special about waking up
and finding a parent there in the morning, even if the parent has to leave for
work and the child goes to a sitter" and a child should be able to feel that
"this is my home."
(p. 169, Mom's House, Dad's House, Making Two Homes for Your Child; WAYS TO LOOK AT TIME).
Remember if you do not come up with a Parenting Plan, the court will make one, or
may submit the decision to a Child Custody Evaluator, who may have unforeseen biases and
motives, and will be basing his/her recommendation, not on truth, but on the information
provided, which is often not in the child's best interest.
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Dr. Isolina Ricci (California),
( .html )
Mom's House, Dad's House.
Making Two Homes for Your Child. The complete guide for parents who are separated, divorced, or remarried. The proven step-by-step guide for all types of custody, all types of families.
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Steven Carlson, Child Custody Coach® (Orange County, California), ( .html )
Joint Custody and the Best Interest Standard. "In the best interest of the child" or "child's best interest" is the famous mantra of the family court prevalent in child custody proceedings today, yet its interpretation by the family court or judges is often arbitrary and its meaning is still obscure.
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Dr. Jayne A. Major (Los Angeles, California),
( .html )
Creating a Successful Parenting Plan.
A Step-by-Step Guide For The Care of Children of Divided Families.
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James A. Cook (Los Angeles, California),
Joint Physical Custody Time Allocation.
Suggested Variations of Joint Physical Custody and the Negative Side Effects of Sole Custody on Children.
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James A. Cook (Los Angeles, California),
Consequences of Sole Custody.
Consequences of Sole Custody on Children.
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Neil Kalter, PhD (University of Michigan),
( .html )
Effects of Divorce on Boys versus Girls.
A Developmental Vulnerability Model by Neil Kalter, PhD, University of Michigan. "Among teenage and adult populations of females, parental divorce has been associated with lower self-esteem, precocious sexual activity, greater delinquent behaviour and more difficulty establishing gratifying, lasting adult heterosexual relationships. It is especially intriguing to note that, in these studies the parental divorce typically occurred years before any difficulties were observed."
Joint-Custody through Shared and Cooperative Parenting, is what is in the best interest of
the child, except in extreme cases where abuse and neglect are present. Parents may have
the right to separate or divorce each other, but the child has the right to live with and
love both parents.
Our goal is to keep you informed on the importance and movement towards Joint-Custody and
Shared and Cooperative Parenting.
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